


A Man Afraid of Light

by Cassiara



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A complete and utter inability to just communicate, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual James Sirius Potter, Blow Jobs, Bottom James Sirius Potter, Community: hp_nextgen_fest, Curse Breaker James Sirius Potter, Curse Breaker Teddy Lupin, Curse Breaking, Cursed James Sirius Potter, Curses, Demisexuality, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, HP Next Gen Fest 2018, Harry Potter Next Generation, M/M, Minor Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter, POV James Sirius Potter, Past Teddy Lupin/Victoire Weasley, Pining, Podfic Welcome, Swearing, Top Teddy Lupin, Truth Spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-19 13:11:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16535222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassiara/pseuds/Cassiara
Summary: James really enjoys his life. He likes sharing a flat with his best mate, Teddy. He likes being work-partners with said best mate. He likes going out at the weekends and shagging random girls. At least, that’s what he tells people. The truth isn’t that simple, and when James accidentally manages to get hit by a curse that makes him unable to lie he learns that hiding the fact that he’s completely and utterly arse over tit in love with Teddy is more complicated than expected.





	A Man Afraid of Light

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you to Goldentruth813 for writing a prompt that got me out of the writers-block from hell. I hope you don’t mind that I took a few liberties with it, it kinda ran away from me. Second, thank you to the mods of the fest for hosting, and for being incredibly patient and understanding with extensions. Finally – thank you so much to my incredible beta, Keyflight790, who came into this last minute and not only made this readable, but also motivated me to actually finish.

_"Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?"  
Maurice F. Freehill_

James cursed his own stupidity as he stomped down the rain-slick road. It hadn’t rained in London when he’d Flooed to his grandparents’ house. In fact – it had been a typical overcast London day. James had thought it was rather nice as it suited his mood without making it worse. Of course, after Flooing out to this fucking place he would no longer have such luck. He’d barely got past the gates when the sky had opened. He’d gotten up an umbrella charm as fast as he could, but it only did so much. He could have Apparated of course, but he hated the tight squeeze of it – and he was wet already.

Growing tired of cursing himself, James decided he’d much rather curse Teddy and their stupid company for his mud-soaked jeans. If it wasn’t for CurseBusters James wouldn’t be trotting down this abandoned road to get to an old house in the middle of no-where. And if it wasn’t for Teddy disappearing off to meet his ex James wouldn’t be off doing it alone. And being mud-soaked was a much more pleasant experience with Teddy around. Then again, most things were more pleasant with Teddy there.

They’d started CurseBusters three years after James graduated Hogwarts. They both had issues with how Gringotts managed their Curse-Breakers; only sending them out in order to obtain more treasure. If someone was cursed, or had something they loved cursed, Gringotts wouldn’t help. At least not unless they were paid a ridiculous amount. James and Teddy had figured they could easily make a living taking fair prices for removing curses on people and their items. It had been rough going at first, but after having their own company for four years they’d gotten deals with the Ministry and St. Mungos. Both Healers and Aurors appreciated the help of a couple of well-trained Curse-Breakers when they were faced with oddities such as a person who put everyone they talked to in a coma, or criminals cursing Muggle homes to attract lightning.

They still took private jobs unfortunately, James thought, wiping the rain off his face. He was heading to one now, after all. Of course, this one was more of a favour than anything else. One of Teddy’s classmates from Hogwarts had bought an old house, only to discover a room hidden behind a bookshelf filled to the brink with weird items. He’d asked if James and Teddy could take a look at it, not wanting his kids running about with a room full of unknown items. Teddy had offered to do it for free, and then fucked off – sending James out on his own.

James finally reached his destination, and immediately cast several drying charms all over himself. The house was a cosy one, James thought. Something he could imagine himself living in one day. Of course, he didn’t really like imagining his future because that would mean considering how he wanted Teddy in it, and the fact that it wouldn’t ever happen. He shook the thoughts off and walked further inside. The wards had been cued to accept him as James preferred having the residents of a cursed house stay away while he worked. So far it had been an unnecessary precaution, but James thought it was a _better safe than sorry_ kind of situation. After all, with curses there was always the chance of spontaneous fires or air turning to cotton.

The newly discovered room was easy to find, hidden between the living room and kitchen. It was a stark contrast to the rest of the house. Where the house was open and bright, the room was dark and cluttered. It was made entirely of brick, where the house was built in wood. The room didn’t look like it belonged in the house, more like it was taken from somewhere else and placed there.

James cast a basic detection spell, something that should react to any nearby dark magic. The purple hue of the spell spread across the room, concentrating around a few items closer to the back. Definitely some dark magic in there then, he thought. Something about the shelf closest to the entrance was pulling James closer though. There was nothing too interesting there. Lots of herbs and other ingredients James recognised from Potions class, stored in jars and bowls coated in dust. What got his attention though, was a small wooden box. Despite the dust on everything else, the box was clean. James knew it was stupid to reach out and take the box, but just as the thought struck he noticed his hand doing exactly that. His pulse quickened as his fingers slowly reached for the box, very much without James’ consent. He stood frozen, except the hand slowly reaching. James released the breath he’d been holding when his fingers closed around the box and nothing happened. Control of his body returned in the same instant, and since he figured the box was safe to touch he brought it closer to inspect it. Someone had carved writing into the lid, and James turned the box to read it.

_**veritas vitæ magistra** _

The world spun and twisted on itself and James was suddenly back at Hogwarts. Professor Longbottom was wrestling a plant in front of the class and Fred was next to James, looking exactly like he’d done at sixteen.

“So you’re telling me there’s not a single person you’d like to take out on Valentine's?” Fred asked, not bothering to lower his voice despite being in class.

“Yeah, I’m not really into the whole romantic thing,” James lied. Except he didn’t. Or he had – at fifteen. The James that was twenty-five years old hadn’t made any move to speak, but he remembered this. He’d lived this entire conversation before. It had been January, and he’d just spent an entire winter holiday with the horrified realisation that his idolisation of Teddy was actually a crush. This of course, had come with the realisation that he wasn’t as straight as previously thought.

“Mate, it’s not about romance though, is it? You find a hot girl, take her out and hope for some action. You’re still into that right?” Fred asked, and this time around James realised the question was meant to be rhetorical. His fifteen-year-old self however, did not.

“Yeah, course – maybe I’ll just show up alone and see who’s single and desperate,” James said, earning a laugh off Fred.

_**veritas vitæ magistra** _

The words flashed in his mind, and the world spun again. This time he ended up at home. Judging by the cat on Lily’s lap and how young she looked, it wasn’t much later. The summer after the conversation with Fred maybe. Of course, James didn’t have to wait long before realising what memory it was.

“So – ehm, the thing I wanted to tell you all is, erh,” Al hesitated, and James wanted to hide his face at the obvious nerves and just – teen angst – that was radiating off his brother. He knew where this was going, he’d lived it once and he thought that was really one time too many.

“I’m – I’m gay. With Scor. We’re together,” Al finally finished, and James wanted to groan. His brother was still happily with Scorpius, and looking back at it, it had been painfully obvious even back then. His statement was followed by words of love and support, all passing by in a haze – the box apparently skimming through the parts it didn’t deem important.

“Guess I shouldn’t be expecting grandkids from you then Al,” their mum had half-joked.

“Muum,” Lily complained, “they can adopt! Lots of little Potter’s.”

“Uhm, they’d probably be Malfoys actually. Just – I know it means a lot to Scor, and he doesn’t have any siblings or anything to carry on the name.”

“Yeah, I see that,” Harry said, ”James will carry on the Potter name, won’t you?” Harry grabbed James’ shoulder with a grin.

“And the ginger genes too, I imagine.” Ginny smiled.

“I – er – yeah,” James lied, heart dropping. One gay Potter was one thing, but two? Never mind that he thought he was bisexual. It didn’t matter much what with the all-consuming crush on Teddy. Teddy who was happily with Victoire.

_**veritas vitæ magistra** _

It was New Years and James really didn’t want this memory to continue any further, didn’t want to experience it again through older eyes. Everyone had gone to sleep that year, after the fireworks had been set off and enjoyed. Everyone, that is, except James and Teddy.

James had been pleasantly drunk on Firewhisky stolen from his dad, and Teddy had been drunk on Firewhisky he’d been allowed to drink. James figured it was fine to steal a little to drink; he was seventeen in only a few months after all.

He’d been staying close to Teddy all night, despite his efforts to keep his distance and get over his stupid crush. Staying away from Teddy was impossible though. The further away James moved the more he could feel the almost magnetic pull to move closer and closer and closer. He’d constantly catch himself just looking, having completely forgotten what had been said.

It was in one of those moments when insanity struck. Teddy had said something, or maybe James had. It didn’t matter much because Teddy was laughing, head thrown back in pleasure and eyes closed from intoxication and the late hour. James wanted nothing more than to run his hands through the striking blue hair, changed to match the fireworks earlier, and taste the laugher on Teddy’s lips. It must have been a mix of Firewhisky, stupid Gryffindor courage and the blind hope of being young and in love that spurred James on, because quite without having decided to do so he turned to face Teddy and pressed their lips together. The lack of response was immediate and consistent, but James didn’t pull back. It felt so good, so liberating to finally _finallyyes, this is it_. Then the hands pushed James back, and he was face to face with the concerned and scared expression on Teddy’s face.

“Uh, James. What are you doing?” Teddy asked, eyes fixed at a point just above James’ shoulder.

“I kissed you,” James said in realisation and shock, not even realising it was an answer to Teddy’s question.

“Er, yeah, you did,” Teddy said, still avoiding James’ eyes.

“Can I do it again?” James blurted before he could stop himself. He was never drinking again, because apparently it made him both stupid and horny.

“James – we can’t. I’m twenty-two years old, and you’re sixteen. You’re still a kid,” Teddy said. James opened his mouth to protest that really, he’d be a legal adult in a few short months and being an older brother made him grow up fast, and he wasn’t even close to being a _kid_. Teddy continued before he had the chance though, as if realising James would protest to the idea. “And besides that, I mean – you’re _you_.”

And that was it, wasn’t it. James was _James_ , and how could he have been so stupid he’d forgotten all of the reasons why Teddy would never, ever return his feelings? James was younger, sure, but that was just the tip of the iceberg to why it wouldn’t work. He was immature – spending most of his time with Fred, pulling pranks on other students and teachers. He’d inherited his dad’s knobbly knees, and his mum’s weird toes. His hair was an utterly boring brown colour, and even though he hadn’t gotten the ginger hair he was covered in freckles. Not to mention he was a boy, and Teddy had his on-again-off-again thing with Victoire. And he was _James_ , whatever else that might mean.

“S’not like I wanna date you,” James lied, “just – Al seems so happy with a bloke I thought maybe there was something to it.”

Teddy sighed in relief and James worked hard to keep his expression even. He could break down later, when he was alone.

“And was there?”

“Nah, the distinct lack of tits rather put me off,” lied James.

_**veritas vitæ magistra** _

“You sure you don’t mind me staying here?” Teddy asked, vaguely gesturing to the spare bedroom in James’ flat.

“Not at all,” James reassured him. And it was true, in a sense. Because he really hadn’t minded Teddy staying with him. He just hadn’t been sure how it would work to live with the man he was painfully, secretly in love with.

“You won’t feel weird bringing birds home with someone here?” Teddy laughed. It didn’t reach his eyes, but after he’d just broken up with Victoire James hadn’t expected it to.

“I don’t really bring girls home,” James said, too honestly. “I – er, usually go to their place,” he lied. It was easier that way, saying he was off enjoying casual nights with random girls. It stopped people asking. Kept them from trying to set him up.

_**veritas vitæ magistra** _

The world shifted, and James was sitting across from Fred, nursing a cup of tea and a hangover.

“Where did you disappear off to last night then?” Fred asked, giving James a knowing grin. If he hadn’t been so used to Fred being dead wrong when he thought he knew something James would have been scared.

“Just went home for an early night,” he lied. They’d been out the night before, to celebrate Molly’s twenty-second. James had thought it would be fine, had stupidly assumed that going to a bar with Teddy and all his cousins wouldn’t be an issue. Of course, that had been until he’d seen Teddy pushing a gorgeous brunette girl up against a wall, snogging the daylights out of her.

“Nah, you didn’t,” Teddy said, arriving at the worst possible moment to catch James in his lie. “I heard you stumbling in here at like six in the morning.”

“You went home with someone, didn’t you?” Fred grinned.

James rolled his eyes, he supposed part of the truth wouldn’t be too bad. “Yeah, yeah, alright, I did.”

“I knew it! You slag!” Fred said, victorious.

“How was she then?” Teddy said, taking a seat next to James on the sofa.

 _Oh, fine. He gave me a good fucking and didn’t complain when I shouted out your name,_ James thought. “She was alright,” he said, “and you’re one to talk Fred. You’ve so many notches in your bedpost there’s no bedpost left.”

_**veritas vitæ magistra** _

The problem with loving Teddy was that he was always changing. His hair would be blue in the morning and pink for dinner. Then his nose would change for a couple of weeks, or he’d turn his eyes a dark purple for days. It didn’t give James the chance to ever get _used_ to him. He didn’t wake up to find brown hair and auburn eyes in their flat every day, like he would have done if Teddy wasn’t a metamorphmagus. He never had a chance to prepare. What colour eyes would pierce through him today? What colour would his hair be? Would he have a beard?

“So how’s it going then?” Al asked, “working with Teddy?”

“Huh?” James asked, distracted. The man in question had just come out of the bathroom with a new colour hair and it took James’ breath away all over again. The golden brown colour was one of his favourites on Teddy, because it somehow had a vulnerability to it.

“You’re not going mental being with him all day at work and then going back to live in the same flat?” Al asked, giving James a look.

“Nah, it’s fine,” James lied, because he was very much going mental, though not for the reasons Al thought.

“I don’t know, I could never work with Scor. We’d kill each other after a week.”

James laughed. “Yeah, but I’m not dating Teddy. It’s different when you’re just mates I think.”

“You’d like to be though, wouldn’t you? Dating him, I mean,” Al said, and a shock went through James. He’d forgotten this was a memory, until what was happening suddenly differed from what had actually happened. Albus had never asked him that.

“Yeah, I would,” James said, even though he hadn’t.

_**veritas vitæ magistra** _

The world spun and shifted again, and suddenly James was back to the previous day.

“Are you sure you don’t mind going alone?” Teddy asked, giving James a guilty look. He’d agreed to help out an old classmate, and then booked a trip to go visit Victoire in France for the weekend. It wouldn’t have been an issue, since they didn’t normally work weekends, but since this was a favour, they’d decided to just do it on their free time.

“Nah mate, it’s fine,” James lied. “Probably won’t be anything anyways. Can’t imagine a small house near Gran could have anything cursed in it. I’ll just go check it out tomorrow.”

James didn’t really mind going to the house alone. He was a bit hurt that Teddy had decided to go _this_ weekend though. It was stupid really, but the one-year anniversary of their company start-up, James and Teddy had stayed in, ordered Indian food and gotten absolutely smashed. They’d done the same thing for the second and third, and James had assumed they’d be doing it this year too. He’d even bought all the drinks and snacks, and he made a mental note to hide it before Teddy noticed.

“You sure it’s ok? Only Victoire suddenly got the weekend off, and I’ve not seen her in months now.”

“It’s fine,” James lied again. Because what else was he supposed to do? Teddy had remained close friends with Victorie after they broke up, and he saw James all the time. He was probably sick of his face by now, of course he wanted to spend some time with his ex.

“You don’t mind about the anniversary? I know we kinda started a thing there, but I thought maybe we could do it next week?” Teddy asked.

“Hm? Oh, right!” James said, mentally constructing a lie. “No, it’s fine. I’ve got plans with Fred tomorrow anyways. I forgot if I’m honest.”

“Oh, good. I only remembered when I saw all the beer in the fridge. I was afraid you’d gone shopping for it already.”

“Nah, mate. Just bought some stuff so me and Fred don’t have to hit the bar sober,” James lied again.

Teddy gave him a searching look. “You’d tell me, wouldn’t you? If something was bothering you or something?” he asked. Except he’d never said that. And James had definitely never said what came out as the answer.

“I’m in love with you, Teddy. Completely, irreversibly, impossibly in love with you. Have been for years. I can’t lie anymore.”

_**veritas vitæ magistra** _

James woke with a start – gasping for breath and reaching for his wand. He froze when he realised he was no longer in the small hidden room he’d gone to investigate. Instead, he was in a soft bed, white walls all around him – and the distinct smell of the disinfectant charms they used at St. Mungos.

“Fuck,” he groaned, closing his eyes to the brightness of the room.

“Yes, I’d say so,” Lily said from somewhere to his left. James groaned again. So – his family knew.

“How am I here?” James asked, eyes still closed.

“You told the gran’s you’d be back for lunch – remember? They got rather worried when you hadn’t shown up by dinner.”

James sat up so fast the room spun. “Fuck, it’s the evening already?”

“It’s the next day, actually” Lily informed him.

 ~~No it’s not~~ , James said. What actually left his mouth though was, “Yes, it’s Sunday.”

Lily gave him a strange look as James tried again, only to repeat the words he’d already said.

“My mouth isn’t saying what I want it to say,” James said – and this time the words came out right.

Lily looked suddenly angry, “Well, you did touch a cursed object like the idiot you obviously are.”

“Yeah, well,” James shrugged. He wasn’t too keen to discuss the subject. “How come you’re the only one here? The rest of the family couldn’t be bothered then? I’m wounded,” James said – attempting to make the words sound sarcastic. Instead though, they came out sounding painfully genuine. Lily shot him a concerned look.

“Mum and dad were here all night, so me and Al sent them home for some rest this morning. Al and Scorpius are off getting coffee.”

James’ mouth worked fine while he and Lily spoke about how he’d been found, and how the Healers said nothing was physically wrong with him. It worked fine when the Healer came in and told him the same thing – and when she said he’d be released by the end of the day if noting further happened.

It didn’t fail until Albus came back, and apologised for not bringing James a coffee.

 ~~It’s fine – didn’t want one anyways~~ , James had tried to say. Of course his mouth said, “It’s fine – but I did want one.”

He put a hand over his mouth – holding back the urge to curse. Who knew what his newly independent mouth would make of that.

“Uh, is he alright?” Al asked, looking at their sister.

“He’s having some trouble making his mouth say what his brain is,” Lily explained, looking more worried than she sounded.

“I think I’ve been cursed,” James whispered. The wash of relief when the words came out right was quickly overtaken by the worry that he really was cursed.

“Right,” Al said, “What did you do then? You touched something again, didn’t you?”

 ~~no~~ “Yes”, James said, cursing his mouth and his previous self. He’d touched a cursed object in training _one time_ , but his family never let him forget it. Granted he’d almost died – and they’d all been terrified, but still. He thought it was rather an over-reaction on their part.

“What did you touch?” Lily asked.

 ~~nothing~~ , James insisted. Only he said; “A wooden box with an inscription.”

“That said..?” Scorpius asked over his boyfriend’s loud groan.

“Veritas vitæ magistra,” James said, remembering how the words had flashed in his head again and again. “I’ve no idea what it means though.”

“Shit, you poor bastard,” Scorpius said. Then, apparently noticing three pair of confused eyes waiting for an explanation added, “It’s latin. Means something like truth is life’s teacher – or truth is the teacher of life.”

James thought back to the flashbacks he’d had. All times where he’d lied. Lied about something important. His sexuality, his feelings, Teddy. Then the last line he’d spoken came back to him; ‘I can’t lie anymore’.

 ~~My name is Scorpius Malfoy~~ “My name is James Potter,” he said.

“Fuck!” ~~I have purple hair~~ “I have brown hair.” ~~I’m at home~~ “I’m in St. Mungos. Fuck, fuck, fuck!” James tore at his hair as lie after lie came out of his mouth as the truth.

“Merlin’s saggy tits – he can’t lie,” Albus said, breaking James’ monologue of seemingly random facts.

James shot a glare at his brother, not daring to give the sarcastic comment he normally would have.

“Does this mean I can ask whatever I want, and you have to answer truthfully?” Lily asked. James saw the mask of calculated glee she put on – and he was sure that was partly what his sister was feeling. He could see the worry she was masking too though.

“I don’t have to answer,” he said – relieved when the words came out. If this was somehow like Veritaserum – forcing answers from him – he would move to the Forbidden Forest and never return.

“Let’s test the limits of this thing then,” Al said. “What day is it?”

 ~~Monday~~ “Sunday”, James said. Apparently trying to lie outright just made his mouth tell the truth. “Fuck, try again – will you?” he asked Al.

“What day is it?”

 ~~I don’t know~~ “Sunday,” James said. Albus rolled his eyes and asked again.

“I’d rather not say,” James said, smiling when this worked.

“What if it’s a question you secretly want to answer then?” Lily asked.

James closed his mouth, staring at his sister. He smiled when his mouth didn’t automatically say anything. “I’m hungry,” he said – going for a strategy of completely ignoring the question. He grinned in victory when the words passed through his lips just like he’d intended them to.

“It’s interesting,” Scorpius said, in a tone that indicated he thought it was more stupid than interesting, “that you’re cursed by a spell that’s supposed to teach you about truth – and the first thing you do is learn how to lie while under it.”

“I’m not lying,” James said – knowing the words would pass. He really wasn’t lying, he was just avoiding.

“Still. Makes me wonder what you’re trying so hard to hide.”

James bit back the instinct to say he wasn’t hiding anything. He didn’t want to even consider what his mouth would replace that with. Instead he fixed Scorpius with a glare.

“Ooh, so you are trying to hide something then,” Lily said. She was grinning from her place in the strangely comfortable-looking hospital chair.

“Isn’t everyone trying to hide something?” James asked, avoiding her comment with a question.

“Fuck, you’re good,” Al smiled, “maybe the sorting hat put the wrong brother in Slytherin.”

James rolled his eyes. Al, despite being a Slytherin, had always been a rubbish liar. At least, that’s what most people thought. James had always suspected his brother just wanted everyone to _think_ he was bad at it – so when it really mattered no one would know he was lying.

“So – are we telling the hospital staff about this new and interesting development?” Lily asked. “I think you and Teddy have a better shot at breaking this curse, and I’m rather sick of hospital food already.”

James half-listened as Lily and Albus bickered over the quality of hospital food. Dread was slowly but surely seeping through every bone in his body. _Teddy_. Lily was right. Of course, he would be James’ best option of getting this curse off. He was also the person James wanted to avoid more than anyone, now that he couldn’t lie. Fuck, but this would be a nightmare.

* * *

Teddy arrived home only hours after James had. He dropped his bag right by the door and rounded on James. He looked furious, James realised. It was always painfully obvious by how his hair would turn a dark, foreboding, red.

“Two days,” Teddy said – glaring at James who suddenly felt very small sitting on their sofa and nursing a beer. “I leave for two days – and you go and touch a cursed object. Again!”

“I’m – sorry?” James said, deciding to phase it as a question just in case it wasn’t what Teddy wanted to hear. And in case he secretly wasn’t sorry, and his mouth wouldn’t let him say it.

“What in the world possessed you to touch something in a room you KNEW had cursed objects?” Teddy demanded.

“It didn’t set off the detection spell for dark magic,” James said – deciding logic was his best defence.

“It didn’t -,” Teddy started, shaking his head, “of course it didn’t set off anything if you were looking for dark magic only! You’re the git who’s head over heels for light curses!”

“I know,” James said. Teddy had a point. James had grown sick and tired of magic being divided into light and dark as if that meant good and evil. There were plenty of dark protection spells – and hell, obliviate was light magic and that could erase every memory a person had ever made. It was all bullshit, and yet everything they’d learned about curses in training had been about dark curses. The only difference was intent, really, and that could be so many things. Obliviate had been created to protect the wizarding world – so it was light. Imperius had been created to make someone do what you wanted – so it was dark. They both had the power to mess with someone’s mind, and if you gave someone the right memories they’d do what you wanted just as much as they would under the Imperius. Light protection spells had been created with the intent to keep someone safe, while dark protection spells were made to keep someone out. It was all the same in the end, James thought, and he’d said so on several occasions. If the curse on him was a light one, it had probably been created with the intent that he learn something from only speaking the truth. That’s what he’d figured given the inscription on the box, at least. A dark truth curse would probably have been invented to get the truth from someone, or as a punishment for lying. It didn’t matter much to James though – he was still cursed.

Teddy, apparently didn’t appreciate James going on an internal rant about light vs. dark magic in the middle of _his_ rant. At least, that’s what James figured when he had a book thrown at his head.

“Honestly, I go to Amsterdam for one day and this is what I get,” Teddy frowned, flopping down in one of their arm-chairs looking deflated.

“Amsterdam?” James asked. The amount of hurt in his voice was definitively due to the curse, because he wouldn’t normally have let on how hurt he was that Teddy had lied to him. Going to visit Victoire in France, his arse.

“Oh – for heaven’s sake. Will you look at the book?” Teddy said, reacting to the tone of James’ voice.

James picked up the book he’d previously discarded as a random choice of weapon. He sucked in a sharp breath as he looked at the title; _Curses of Good Intent_. It was a book he’d been trying to find for over two years – ever since he realised neither he or Teddy had the training to properly break light curses.

“Where – how?” James stuttered – looking at Teddy in awe.

Teddy shrugged, rubbing at his neck. “Happy fourth anniversary – or something.”

“You -,” James started.

“Didn’t fuck off to go see Victoire – no. I was looking for the book to give to you, and it came up at an auction in Amsterdam yesterday. Of course, if I’d known the stupid irony of me leaving to get you a book on light curses would mean you did something as stupid as getting hit with one I wouldn’t have bothered.”

“I – thank you,” James said. “I’ve wanted this for ages.”

Teddy just rolled his eyes, and James figured talking about it several times a month for years deserved that response.

“Wait – how do you even know I’ve been cursed?” James asked.

“Well, Harry rang yesterday in a panic when you didn’t show up at Molly and Arthur’s. Then Lily filled me in on the rest earlier today.”

James wanted to be angry with Lily, except she’d saved him the embarrassment of telling Teddy how much he sucked at his job.

“So - what exactly does the curse do then?” Teddy asked.

“She didn’t tell you?” James asked, effectively avoiding the question – for now at least.

“She said to ask you,” Teddy said. “You know her – loves saying A and not finishing the alphabet.”

“Yeah. It’s – er, well. I can’t lie,” James said – not meeting Teddy’s eyes. Hopefully he wouldn’t draw the conclusion Scorpius had, that James had something to hide.

James startled when Teddy laughed; it wasn’t the response he’d anticipated. “That’s amazing! I bet it took you about five seconds to notice after you woke up, didn’t it?”

“Nope,” James grinned. It had, in fact taken several minutes. “Besides – what’s that supposed to mean?”

Teddy laughed even harder. “It’s just – you lie all the time!”

James frowned. “I do not lie all the time,” he insisted. He just lied very often. Teddy didn’t need to know that. Teddy shouldn’t know that.

“Well – it has to be true now, doesn’t it,” Teddy said, breathless from laughing at James’ expense. “But really, you do lie a lot – I don’t even think you know you’re doing it half the time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” James said, frowning. Secretly, he was terrified Teddy knew the big things he lied about – the Teddy related ones.

“Take Friday – when I said I had to go see Victoire, and you said you’d forgotten all about our company anniversary and that the beer and shit you bought were for you and Fred. You were never meeting Fred this weekend – you just didn’t want to look like the dick that made an effort when I didn’t.”

 ~~That’s not true~~ “That’s true,” James said. “Oh fucking hell!”

Teddy burst out laughing again. “I really kind of love this curse – I hope you know that.”

 ~~I hate you~~ “I love you,” James said – realising too late what the curse would do with the phrase he and Teddy traded so often. He grimaced and hid his face in his hands. Of course he loved Teddy. Teddy knew he did – they were best mates after all. Flat-mates and business partners too. At least the curse hadn’t made him say ‘I’m in love with you’.

“Yeah, yeah. I hate you too,” Teddy grinned – clearly realising what James had tried to say.

James escaped to his bedroom soon after, bringing his new book with him. He let himself fall into bed – holding the book to his chest. After a while though, he realised he was hugging the damn thing like it was a person. Like it was Teddy. He silently cursed himself, turned to his side and started flipping through the pages. The curse – his curse, wasn’t hard to find.

_**The Knowledge of Truth** _

Incantation: veritas vitæ magistra

The curse can be placed directly upon a person of great deceit. It can also be placed on an object of organic substance – and transferred to a deceitful person. Someone who deceives the world around them as to whom they are, or surrounding vital parts of themselves, will find themselves drawn to such an object.

The curse makes the victim relive moments they’ve told lies; sometimes of lies they tell often, sometimes of lies so big they have a vital impact on the person’s life.

There is no known way to break the curse. Some victims have found the inability to lie disappears after they’ve revealed the truth of themselves to the people in their lives. Others have refused to do so – and spent their life in silence as to avoid spilling their secrets.

* * *

James was in a foul mood when he entered the kitchen the next day. He’d struggled to fall asleep the previous night – the words of the book playing on repeat in his head. He was desperate to find a way to break the curse without having to ‘speak his truth’ or whatever, but it had apparently never been done before. Teddy of course, was in a brilliant mood and the shock of longing James felt as he watched Teddy grin over the eggs he was scrambling just made his mood worse.

“Good morning.” Teddy grinned when he noticed James. James opted for a grunt as a reply. He didn’t trust his evasive skills this early in the morning. Besides – it wasn’t a good morning. James couldn’t tell lies, and they had a long day ahead of identifying and breaking curses on an old pure-blood villa. At least the owners called it a villa, James wanted to punch their pretentious faces in and tell them it was a bloody castle, but he’d resisted. It payed well, if nothing else.

“You ready for some curse-breaking today?” Teddy asked, handing James a plate of the eggs he’d just cooked up. Teddy wasn’t much of a chef, but James had to admit he could do breakfast.

“No, these eggs look good though,” he said. Maybe he could get the hang of this _not lying_ thing. Maybe he didn’t have to tell all his secrets or break the curse. He could live like this, right?

“See, the compliment feels so much nicer now that I _know_ you’re telling the truth,” Teddy grinned. “Did you get a chance to read your new book last night?”

“Yeah,” ~~nothing about my curse though~~ “found my curse in there,” James said, and damnit he couldn’t live like this. It was exhausting, thinking carefully about everything he said before saying it.

Teddy looked victorious. “You tried to lie just then, didn’t you? I can tell because your expression doesn’t match what you’re saying at all.”

“Yeah, fine, ok. I found my curse, but I don’t want to talk about it,” James said, poking at his eggs. He really hoped Teddy would accept this, accept that James no longer had the luxury of just lying about the things he didn’t want to share and leave the subject alone. He did, of course. Teddy had always been too kind, too respectful. James hated that, because it only made him love Teddy more.

“Harry fire-called,” Teddy said, changing the subject. “We’re going there for supper when we’re done at the castle.”

 ~~Fine~~ “I don’t want to,” James said. Then, rolling his eyes he added, “but I’ll go anyway,” when the curse changed his words.

* * *

James groaned as he stepped into yet another room that glowed heavily in purple, warning him that almost all the objects in there was touched by dark magic. Of course, that didn’t have to mean they were dangerous, but given the experience James had in the three previous rooms he’d worked his way through so far – most of them would be.

“Hey, you ok?” Teddy asked, popping his head in the door and scratching at his now purple hair. Maybe he’d changed it to match the soft hue of purple their detection charms created, James mused, then promptly cursed himself that he couldn’t stop thinking about Teddy.

“That’s a question of definitions really,” James said. “Physically I’m perfectly fine, but I am feeling bored. Very, very bored.”

“And whatever shall we do to keep the young Potter entertained?” Teddy grinned, fully stepping into the room. James snorted, because the boredom on Teddy’s face was painfully obvious. This had to be one of the more tedious jobs they had ever worked.

Usually, old pure-blood homes proved a challenge. Sure – some of them were riddled with curses and dark objects, but at least they would be interesting ones. The ones where they cast visualisation spells and spent hours untangling knots of magic, calculating the strength of counter spells and working together to execute wand movements to neutralise the curse.

“You’re bored to death, aren’t you?” James asked, grinning at Teddy.

“I’ve not found one single object that hasn’t responded to a basic _Finite_ or neutralisation charm.” Teddy sighed. “It’s just tedious and boring, is what it is.”

“So you thought you’d skive off for a while, and blame it all on my being bored?” James laughed.

Teddy just grinned, stepping closer and slinging an arm around James’ shoulders. He did that a lot, James thought, as he allowed Teddy to steer him out of the room he’d just begun work at. If James wasn’t so starved for Teddy’s touch he thought he might go mad at the amount of touching they did do – in a way he did go mad, because every time Teddy placed a hand on his knee or shoulder, or sat so close on their sofa James could feel a body pressed to his own. James’ heart skipped several beats and his breath hitched. He was always terrified to move, to breathe, to think – to somehow let it show how much he liked it.

They ended up outside, flying around the huge grounds with the brooms Teddy had apparently had the foresight to bring. James had wanted to complain, but he couldn’t honestly say he minded – and so he couldn’t say it at all. He loved watching Teddy fly, not because the other man was particularly good at it, but because he did it with a joy that lit up his entire face – laughing from the moment his feet left the ground.

They flew for what must have been close to an hour, but James couldn’t keep track of time like this. Free and up in the air – Teddy so in focus the rest of the world blurred to nothing.

“How did the job go?” Mr. Flint asked James hours later, when their work-day was thankfully, finally over. The brief relief they got when flying had worn off as soon as they got back to work, and James wanted to tear his hair out in frustration that they had at least another two days of work before they’d be finished.

 ~~Good~~ “Terribly,” he said, closing his eyes to the frustration of not being able to lie. Of course Teddy would be in the further room, causing Flint to seek out James for a report.

“What?” Flint demanded, fists closing at his sides.

“I mean, it’s just terribly dull work,” James said, his brain working overtime trying to come up with some way to evade out of the conversation without mortally offending his dad’s old Quidditch rival.

“Dull work?” Flint repeated, voice shaking with the apparent effort to remain calm.

“It’s just not very challenging,” James said, “but trust me, we’re ~~working hard~~ working with low efficiency due to several breaks.”

James wanted to groan in relief as Teddy entered the room behind Flint. He shot his partner a panicked look, trying to convey with his eyes how terribly the conversation was going.

“Are you,” Flint breathed, “trying to piss me off? Or are you just that stupid?”

Teddy looked like he was about to place a calming hand on Flint’s shoulder, but thought better of it – instead leaving it up as if he was trying to calm a scared animal.

“I assure you, Mr. Flint, it’s neither,” he said, stepping between Flint and James with slow steps. “Poor James here accidentally touched a cursed object we found here earlier today – and although we broke the curse he’ll be speaking absolute nonsense for the next day or so.”

Flint calmed, but still looked at James with extreme scepticism in his eyes. And fuck, James had to help sell this. He cast his mind out, trying to think of the most ridiculous, yet truthful thing he could say. His eyes landed on the quidditch trophy standing on one of the shelves close to him. It was shaped like a broom, bristles forming the base – the handle made up of smooth gold.

“You know,” James said, already hating himself, “I’ve been thinking for a couple of hours how amazing that trophy would feel like if I shoved it up my bum.”

Teddy and Flint both turned to him, eyes wide. Teddy was holding his breath, James thought, in an effort not to laugh.

Flint looked absolutely horrified. “I, er, I see,” he said – stepping away from them both. “I’ll er – see you next week then, yes? Give your partner plenty of time to recover from – whatever the hell that is.”

“That would be perfect,” Teddy said – grinning at Flint. “Thank you for your understanding, and we do apologise.”

Teddy held his hand out to shake Flint’s, but the older man stepped back, clearly terrified to ‘catch the curse’. Instead Teddy gave him a nod and disapparated.

James wasn’t far behind, but by the time he appeared in their shared living room Teddy was already on the floor, howling with laughter.

“Do. Not,” James said, punctuating each word, “Ask.”

* * *

James groaned as he woke up. On one hand he was grateful that it was a Saturday because he could finally get a break from trying to do work and navigate his lying; on the other it marked one week of being cursed. One week and no progress. If nothing else, it meant he could stay in bed and avoid the world entirely.

He was successful for a few hours, and given his flatmate’s early-bird personality he was surprised he wasn’t disturbed until almost 1 pm. Of course, when he was disturbed, it was by his door slamming open and Teddy literally jumping on his bed.

“Wake up, deadbeat,” Teddy insisted, his still-purple hair flopping with each bounce he made on James’ bed. His eyes were still the soft brown shade James was so fond of, too, and he suspected maybe it wasn’t just Teddy’s constantly changing appearance that made it impossible for James to get used to him.

James thanked Merlin he’d slept in his pajamas and sent Teddy a withering glare.

“I am awake, ~~you sod~~ , Teddy,” he said. Bloody fuck this curse made it hard to insult someone.

“Doesn’t count when you’re still in bed,” Teddy insisted. Despite his words he settled in next to James, head on James’ spare pillow, hands resting on his stomach and knees bent. The sight of Teddy casually lying in his bed like he belonged there made James very thankful for the thickness of his duvet.

“So, I went to Nick’s place,” Teddy said, staring up at the ceiling.

“The bloke who’s house I was cursed in?” James asked, deciding to follow Teddy’s lead and stare straight up. Maybe if he didn’t look at Teddy he wouldn’t feel the overwhelming need to reach out.

“Yeah. He called me this morning, and apparently the cursed room just disappeared overnight.”

“It did what?” James asked, giving up on his resolve to stare at the ceiling tiles.

“Disappeared. I went over to check, and it’s like it was never even there. No traces of it at all,” Teddy said, a confused frown on his face. “If you and Nick didn’t both insist it was there I never would have been able to tell. I’ve been there for two hours casting detection-spells trying to find it.”

James rubbed at his hair, trying to remember anything useful about the room in question. Maybe if they could find it, there would be some other way to break the curse on him.

“Well, the room didn’t look like it belonged to the house at all. I mean, the house is done up in all wood - and the room was stone. Not to mention it looked decades older than the house itself.”

Teddy turned to look at James, his expression a mix of worry and interest. “Nick said the previous owners never saw the room, and he didn’t see it himself until he was about to move in.”

James frowned. “So, the room was magically placed inside Nick’s house after he bought it, but before he moved in? Why would someone do that?”

“More importantly, they removed the room again after you were cursed,” Teddy said - wide eyes fixed on James.

“You don’t think I was the target, do you? I mean - they had no way of knowing I’d be the only one to enter the room,” James said. His pulse sped up with worry. “You don’t think someone’s targeting Nick, do you? Trying to get him cursed or frame him for having cursed objects in his house?”

“I’ll go back to Nick’s - get him and the kids somewhere safe, just in case.” Teddy said, jumping off the bed.

James wasn’t far behind. “I’ll call dad, maybe he can get some Aurors on the case.”

Hours later James was finally back home. Calling his dad had been more of a challenge than originally thought, what with him having to go in for a statement if the Aurors were to get involved. He lowered himself into the sofa with a groan; being interrogated while under a truth curse was never a fun experience.

“So – are you ready to tell me about your curse yet?” Teddy asked, flopping down on the sofa opposite where James was sitting.

“I’m not,” James said, not meeting Teddy’s piercing hazel eyes. Fuck, but the warm glow of that colour did his head in every time.

“It’s been a week,” Teddy insisted. “You’ve made your mum cry by accidentally telling her you’re miserable most of the time and insulted one of our clients – not to mention the fact that we now know someone did this on purpose. Don’t you think it’s time you did something about it?”

“You think I enjoy this?” James asked, hurt flashing through him. Then he noticed the book Teddy was holding. His book, the one on light curses. The one with _his_ curse.

“No, it’s just – I found out what curse it is. I know you can make it stop any time you want to.” Teddy’s voice sounded too accusing in James’ ears. He didn’t want to be confronted with his stupid curse.

“What, so you went out of your way to do research on it after I told you I wasn’t ready to tell you?” James said, his hurt stronger in his words than he had intended. The curse was getting worse – it was harder to make lies of omission or hide his emotions when speaking.

“Well you’re never ready to tell me anything, apparently. Merlin’s sake, James, what is it you need to hide so badly you’d rather be cursed to spend the rest of your life telling only the truth?”

And there it was, wasn’t it? The reason James hadn’t told anyone the true workings of the curse. If he did they would know he was hiding something – something big. And then they’d want to know what it was. James sighed, and bit his lip in an effort to distract his body from the pure terror he felt at hearing those words. The pain helped keep the tears from his eyes too.

“I – don’t want to tell you,” James said. Desperately hoping his words would be accepted, yet knowing they were inadequate to calm Teddy’s anger.

“Yeah – no shit,” Teddy said, looking hurt.

“It’s not – fuck! I’m just terrified ok? It will ruin everything.” James cringed when the last sentence left his mouth. He’d hoped it wouldn’t, that it wouldn’t be true.

“You do know the curse is only letting you say that because you believe it, right?” Teddy asked. “Whatever it is won’t ruin everything – not with me. The curse only makes you say what you think is true – it can’t read the future.”

“I’m sorry Teddy, I ~~can’t~~ won’t.”

“Fuck you,” Teddy said, and James wanted to cry with how hurt he looked. “I thought – never mind what I thought. You obviously don’t trust me.”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” James said. He tore his eyes off the hurt and anger on Teddy’s face, braced himself for the crushing feeling of Apparition – though he didn’t think it could feel worse than this – and Disapparated.

He hadn’t made a conscious choice about destination, in his rush to escape Teddy and the painful and crushing weight of his own emotions. He was surprised for only a second that he found himself in Al’s flat. Family had always been a safe space for him, and his younger siblings especially so. It was only a few more seconds before James realised he’d brought his emotions with him, despite his attempt to escape them. They tore their way through his body, making his chest ache and his eyes water. He’d fucked it up with Teddy. Teddy probably hated him. Fuck, what if Teddy had up and left when James came back home?

“Al, we have – er, a situation,” James heard Scorpius call. It sounded distant, even though he rationally knew that the other man had just walked into the room and was standing right beside him.

“What?” Al called back, from somewhere close to the kitchen, James guessed. Desperately trying to think of anything that wasn’t the heaving of his chest or the tears dripping onto his shirt.

“Your brother has appeared, hyperventilating, in our living room,” Scorpius called back. If James hadn’t really been hyperventilating he would have snorted. The blond had a way of speaking that usually made James grin with how to-the-point it was.

Albus didn’t call back, but instead appeared in the living-room and prodded James into a chair. James went willingly and allowed himself to sink into the chair and outright sob. Everything in his body hurt – his throat was ripping itself apart with sobs, his chest ached with every breath. His mind was just repeating the conversation he’d had with Teddy over and over again – paying special focus to the hurt and angry expression on Teddy’s face.

Albus didn’t ask what happened, but James heard him send Scorpius into the kitchen for some tea. Then he sat in the chair next to James and just – stayed. It was the best thing James could have asked for. When Scorpius returned with tea and tissues, James’ sobs had calmed – and he was left with a numb, empty feeling of loss and loneliness.

“Can you tell us what happened?” Albus asked, looking at James with obvious concern.

“I screwed it all up,” James said – knowing it couldn’t make much sense to his brother.

“With Teddy?” Albus asked, exchanging looks with his boyfriend.

“Yeah. He found out what I’ve been cursed with,” James admitted. He figured his brother would find out sooner or later, and he was too numb and exhausted to make the curse work around lying. In a way it felt good to just relax and let the curse do the talking. “He’s furious that I won’t just break the curse.”

Albus looked pained, and he exchanged another look with Scorpius who gave him a nod. It was apparently what he’d needed to see. “So you still haven’t told him you love him then?”

James stopped breathing. Fuck letting the curse talk.

“Of course I have. I mean, he’s my best mate – and my flatmate, and my -,” he started.

Albus cut him off. “And you’re in love with him – and have been for ages.”

James stared at his brother, brain running with excuses and ways to talk himself out of it. For a second he wondered why he was so scared of Albus knowing, because he knew his brother and Scorpius would keep his secret if he asked them to. Maybe it was just because it had been secret for so long, he couldn’t just – say it.

“Don’t even try to get out of this,” Albus said, rolling his eyes. “Unless you can actually say the words ‘I’m not in love with Teddy Lupin’ nothing you say is going to work. I’ve known for years.”

“How?” James asked, giving up all pretence. And fuck – it felt good. James was surprised at the intense relief he felt at not being alone with this secret anymore.

“Gaydar,” Albus said – making Scorpius roll his eyes.

“Mostly, it’s the way you look at him when you think nobody is looking,” Scorpius said.

“Not to mention the constant lying – we’re Slytherins, remember? We got really good at noticing that kind of stuff,” added Albus. “Also gaydar.”

“I’m not gay, you know?” James said with a smile, revelling in the feeling of lightness he felt at _someone_ knowing. And not minding. “I’m bisexual, actually.”

“Gaydar sounds better,” Albus insisted – grinning at James. “Why are you telling everyone you’re straight though?”

“It’s stupid,” James said – realising just how stupid it was when his brain scrambled trying to come up with a reply.

“Well, obviously,” Al snorted. “You’re you after all.”

James sighed, shutting down his brain and letting the curse bring the truth to the front of his mind. Maybe, if he was lucky telling Al everything would break the damn thing.

“Well, I mean, you came out. And then mum and dad were so excited that I would be carrying on the Potter name still. You know how happy dad is that he’s not the last Potter anymore, and I just – couldn’t. And there was no point really, because I don’t have a chance with Teddy either way – and it was just easier to, well, lie I guess.”

“You’re right,” Albus said – and for a second James was terrified. “That is bloody stupid. Sure – dad has a thing about the Potter name. He also has a thing for his kids being happy.”

James looked down in embarrassment, because he knew it was true. He knew his mum and dad wanted him happy, more than anything. And he knew that if he wanted to carry on the Potter name, being bi wasn’t a hindrance to that. He just hadn’t known at sixteen – and once the lie had started he hadn’t stopped.

“Also, there is the fact that Teddy is in love with you,” Scorpius offered casually. James spun around to stare at him so fast pain shot through his neck in protest.

“Merlin’s tits, what have you been smoking?” James demanded. “Teddy is straight, first of all, and even if he wasn’t there’s no way he’d go for me.” His brain helpfully provided the memory of Teddy pulling away from James, saying _‘I mean, you’re – you’_.

“He’s really not, and if you’d just bloody tell him how you feel, the curse will break and you can life happily ever after,” Al insisted.

“I can’t just -,” James started before breaking off, fixing his brother with a cold stare. “Hang on, how did you know that will break the curse? I never told you how to break it.”

“It’s just logic, isn’t it,” Scorpius said. “You’re under a curse that makes you unable to lie. Telling the truth is the obvious way to break it. It’s literally in the incantation.”

James grabbed his wand inside his pocket. What the hell was going on here? “The incantation you were very fast at translating, not to mention interpret. In the exact right way.”

He took a step back when he noticed the nervous glance Scorpius shot his brother. “There are hundreds of truth curses - how the fuck do you know what this one does?”

Al stepped in front of his boyfriend, obviously wanting to protect him from James’ growing anger. “Because we’re the ones who cast it, alright?” Al said, managing to look both angry and defeated at the same time.

“YOU WHAT?” James roared, pulling his wand from his pocket and aiming it at his brother. This was too fucking much.

“Teddy told me Nick had just bought a house,” Scorpius offered from behind Albus. “We figured if he were to find something cursed there he’d call Teddy to take a look at it. So we - er,” he trailed off.

“What the fuck did you do?” James said in a low growl, tempted to start firing curses of his own. Friendly sibling pranks were one thing, but this had gone too far.

“We cast a spell on one of the rooms in the Manor,” Scorpius said, “so it would appear in Nick’s house. Then we cursed a box with the _veritas vitæ magistra_ and put it in there.”

“Fuck! I fucking ~~hate you~~ love you despite the fact you’ve hurt me so much i can physically feel it,” James said. “FUCK, I fucking hate this curse! You’ve ruined everything!”

“In our defense, we meant for you and Teddy to be there together, so both of you would get hit with the curse,” Al said, his voice soft now - clearly sympathising with James’ obvious distress.

“What good would that have done?” James asked. “Ruin two lives instead of one?”

“We thought it might finally get you to remove your heads out of your own arses and tell each other how you feel,” Al said, raising his hands in surrender. “We’re sorry, ok? We thought it would be pretty instant.”

“I never imagined you’d hold out for this long,” Scorpius said.

James schowled. “Yeah well I guess you’re not as smart as you think you are.”

A loud pop made them all jump, eyes turning to Teddy who looked absolutely wrecked. Teddy took one look at Al standing protectively in front of his boyfriend, and James’ wand trained on them both - then pulled his own wand. For a fraction of a second James was terrified the wand would be turned on him - terrified Teddy would turn on him. Then Teddy pointed his wand at his brother.

“What’s going on here?” he demanded of the room, voice clear despite the fact it looked like he’d been crying.

“They’re the fuckers who cursed me!” James said, just as Albus insisted they’d only been trying to help.

“They what?” Teddy asked, staring between the Potter brothers in shock.

“I don’t want to deal with this,” James said, lowering his wand. He knew he wasn’t going to curse his brother. His stupid, idiotic, well-meaning brother. “I’m going home, and I’ll deal with you -,” he shot his brother a glare, “later.”

“Meet you there?” Teddy asked, and the insecurity in his eyes made James hurt all over again.

“Yeah,” he said, and disapparated.

“I’m sorry,” he said as soon as Teddy arrived in the living room, only a fraction of a second after he had arrived himself.

“No - I’m sorry,” Teddy said. “I wasn’t being fair.”

“No, I get it, I -,” James started, but Teddy cut him off.

“No, I need to say this, so just - listen.” Teddy took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second before opening them and focusing on a spot somewhere behind James’ left shoulder.

“It wasn’t fair of me to demand you tell me your deepest, darkest secrets when I haven’t told you mine. I can’t expect you to trust me when I don’t give you that trust, so - fuck. I’m going to say it. I’m -,” Teddy closed his eyes again. “I’m in love with you James.”

“ ~~No, you’re not~~ I don’t believe you,” James said, staring wide eyed at Teddy. The man looked smaller than he usually did, eyes closed, dried tear tracks on his cheeks. Fuck, even his hands were shaking.

“I have been for years, it’s why things finally ended with me and Victoire. And then I was so scared to tell you because you were my best mate, and we lived together, and then we had the business. And I mean, Harry probably wouldn’t like it because he sees me as family and it’d be like shagging my adopted brother - except you’re not, because I love you and -”

James cut him off, “Dad is married to his adopted sister, if that’s how you want to look at it.”

The eyes that suddenly opened to stare at James fixed him to the spot. “I was fifteen when I realised I was in love with you,” James admitted, heart beating out of his chest. “It’s - I’m still in love with you.”

Teddy’s breath caught. “So that Christmas when you kissed me -,”

“And said I didn’t like it after you pushed me off?” James asked. “Yeah, I lied. I’ve er - lied a lot.”

“Why?” Teddy asked, and James could have sworn there was a sad desperation in his voice.

“Because you said we couldn’t kiss, because I was _me_ ,” James said, unable to keep the hurt from his voice. “I figured I didn’t have a chance, and I didn’t want to ruin what I did have.”

“So you’re, gay? How come you never told anyone, and what about all the birds you’ve been fucking?” Teddy asked, and James could hear the accusation there.

“Bi, actually. But, uh. There weren’t any girls. Only a couple of blokes I pretended were you,” James admitted, staring at the floor. He couldn’t believe any of this was really happening. “I didn’t tell anyone because there wasn’t any point, and it was easier to hide my feelings for you if everyone thought I was straight.”

“That’s, sorry I don’t have a better word for it James, that’s stupid,” Teddy said, snorting softly.

The absurdity of the situation suddenly struck James. Here they were, standing in the middle of their bloody living room confessing their love for each other. Love they’d apparently both been hiding for years. Hiding so well James had to be under a bloody truth curse to be able to say any of the things he was saying.

A laugh rang across the room and it took a second for James to realise it was his own. “I know,” he gasped, “we’re both fucking idiots.”

“That we are,” Teddy smiled. Then, before James knew what was happening Teddy had crossed the distance between them and they were kissing.

As much as James had tried to pretend he didn’t imagine them doing just this on a daily basis, he knew he did. He was surprised the kiss didn’t feel like he’d thought it would. When he was fifteen it had been fire, burning through him leaving him raw and wanting. This kiss wasn’t like that. Instead Teddy’s hands on him was like a balm, soothing his nerves and spreading a glowing warmth wherever they touched. His lips were tingling, as they moved against Teddy’s.

They broke apart and James laughed again. The kiss had been awkward, neither really knowing how to move against the other. It left him with a warm glow and a giddy feeling in his stomach.

“Fuck, that was -,” he started.

“Perfect, and super awkward?” Teddy finished, laughing against James.

“Yeah,” James agreed, bending his head up to kiss Teddy again.

“Hang on though, you’re straight, aren’t you?” he said, pulling back. He wasn’t really concerned though, given the way Teddy was pressing against him, chasing the kiss.

“Nope,” Teddy said - leaning in for another kiss. James stepped back with a smile.

“Then what -,” he started to ask.

“Am I?” Teddy finished. “I’m not really sure. I - er, only really feel attraction _like that_ if i’m already in love with the person. I’ve only really felt it for you and Victoire.”

James frowned at the mention of Teddy’s ex, jealousy flaring.

“I know it’s a bit weird,” Teddy said - biting his lip and avoiding James’ eyes.

“No it’s fucking not,” James insisted, stepping close to Teddy again. “I am going to need you to fuck me so hard we both forget Victoire exists though.”

“Fuck,” Teddy said. He didn’t waste any time in bending down and biting softly at James’ neck. “I can do that,” he said.

James let out a surprised yelp as the squeezing feeling of Apparition came over him, but he grinned when he realised Teddy had taken them both to James’ bedroom. “Eager, are you?” he asked, nerves and happiness at this finally, _finally_ happening making him giddy.

“Yes,” Teddy said, all joking gone from his voice. “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve imagined having you on this bed.”

“Fuck,” James breathed, wrapping his hands around Teddy’s neck and kissing him deep.

The kiss was soothing his nerves, and suddenly it wasn’t scary at all to pull back and yank his t-shirt over his head. This was Teddy, it was safe. The feeling of pure relief brought tears to his eyes, and he waited as Teddy followed his lead in pulling of his shirt before leaning in for another desperate kiss.

The skin on skin contact felt too good for words. Teddy was warm against his skin, and James couldn’t help but push closer - shoving his steadily growing erection against Teddy’s thigh.

Teddy jerked, pushing his own erection against James’ hip and they both groaned.

James hadn’t noticed backing up, so he stumbled when the back of his knees hit the bed. Teddy caught him in strong arms, and James let himself be lowered onto the bed. He lay there, looking up at Teddy as the other man began unfastening his jeans.

The sight of the horrid lime green pants he’d bought for Teddy as a joke made him laugh, and Teddy blushed.

“Don’t judge - I wasn’t exactly expecting this today. Or ever, really.”

“Yeah, me neither,” James said - eyes moving from the colour of the pants to the considerable bulge in them. He bit his lip to hold back a moan. “Guess you’ve just got to take them off then.”

Teddy gave him the finger, but pulled his pants and jeans all the way off in one go, stepping out of them and trying to hide the nerves that was still obvious to James.

James couldn’t hold the moan back now though. Teddy’s hard cock was wider than his own, but not much longer. It stood proudly amongst soft brown curls that confirmed James’ thoughts that Teddy secretly was a brunet below all the vibrant colours he made his hair look.

“Fuck, you look bloody amazing,” James breathed. He figured if honesty got him this far he wasn’t giving it up.

“Feeling a bit under-dressed though,” Teddy said, eying James’ jeans.

Now James was the one blushing. “I - er, wasn’t really expecting this either,” he said, “and I was in a rush this morning.”

“So?” Teddy asked, apparently deciding he’d feel less awkward if he sat down on the bed next to James.

“I’m not wearing pants,” James admitted. He could feel his ears warming and he cursed the trademark Weasley blush.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Teddy said, reaching out for James’ hair and pulling him in for a kiss.

James let his hands wander all over the glorious naked body next to him, letting Teddy’s hands undo the buttons of his jeans and lifting his hips so they could be pulled off him entirely.

Finally naked, James pushed himself further onto the bed so he could lie down properly. Teddy followed, laying half on top of him and kissing him passionately. James intertwined their legs, pushing up. Pleasure shot through him as his erection met Teddy’s and he moaned into the kiss.

Suddenly Teddy pulled back, and James whimpered at the loss.

“Can I suck you?” Teddy asked, looking at James’ cock with a hunger in his eyes James had only dreamed of seeing.

“Fuck yes, just -,” he hesitated, but then forced himself to continue. He’d been suppressing his Gryffindor courage for way too long. “Can you, er, finger me too? I just - really want you in me.”

Teddy groaned, and James was only half surprised when a bottle of lube came flying through the door. Teddy had always been good at wandless magic. He was more surprised when he felt the tingle of a cleaning charm in his arse, and he groaned at the sensation.

“Yeah,” Teddy rasped. “I can do that.”

When he was pushed onto the bed, and Teddy sucked James’ cock into his mouth at the same time as he circled a finger around his hole, James couldn’t hold back the scream. He wanted to push up into that hot, hot, hot mouth at the same time as his body was begging him to push down on those wicked fingers. In the end, he wrapped his legs around Teddy, and Teddy placed his free hand on James’ hips to hold him still.

When a questioning finger breached James he wanted to cry. It was so perfect, and hot, and _good_. He couldn’t believe how tightly strung he’d become, and how fast.

“Fuck, Teddy, stop,” he gasped - immediately hating himself when the finger inside him was pulled out and the warm mouth disappeared

“Did I hurt you?” Teddy asked, worry clear on his face. His voice was a bit horse from James’ cock and James had to close his eyes and bite his lip with the effort not to come right then.

“No, fuck no, I was about to come.”

Teddy grinned. “That’s kind of the point, isn’t it?”

“No, the point is I want you to fuck me,” James said, feeling suddenly uncertain. “I mean, if you want to, of course. We can go slower if you’d like.” He was happy to realise he really meant it.

“I think we’ve gone slow for way too long,” Teddy said, a sad smile on his face. “Should I just use my fingers then?”

“Yeah.” James nodded. “Just stretch me out a bit.” He blushed at his own words, and was grateful when Teddy just poured more lube over his fingers - ready to do just that.

James groaned as a slick finger entered him again, spreading his legs to allow Teddy more access. Teddy pushed it in and out a few times before he had James demanding another. For a second James felt vulnerable at being spread out like this, fucking himself down on Teddy’s fingers. Then pleasure and a feeling of complete safety took over and he let himself just enjoy.

He heard a voice before he was even aware of speaking. “Fuckfuckfuck, Teddy, yes, fuck, more, harder, please, Teddy, fuck me, fuck it’s so good,” he moaned, with no conscious control of the words flowing from his lips.

When Teddy removed his fingers James cried out in disappointment, fixing his lover with a desperate look.

“Holy shit James, you’ve no idea how good you look like this. How hot you fucking _sound_ ,” Teddy said, reaching for the bottle of lube.

“Please,” James moaned, only half embarrassed at how wrecked he sounded.

“Are you ready?” Teddy asked, squeezing more lube into his slick hand and wanking himself with it a couple of times. The soft moan he released at the sensation made James grip the sheets in a desperate attempt to keep control.

“Yes, fuck! Fuck me, Teddy,” he begged, spreading his legs impossibly wider.

Teddy grabbed James’ legs, pushing them back against his body. James felt like he was being bent in half, but he knew the position gave Teddy easy access to his arse.

“‘M’not gonna last long,” Teddy said in a whisper, releasing one of James’ legs to grab his own cock and guide it.

James wanted to scream when he felt Teddy’s blunt cock against his entrance. “Me neither, just, fuck, please.”

When Teddy finally pushed into him in a strong thrust James did scream, wrapping his legs around Teddy’s waist and pulling him in deep.

“Fuckfuckfuck, move, please, fuck, God, please,” he moaned. Thrusting his hips as much as he could in his position.

“Wait,” Teddy said, breathing harshly, “I’ll come if I move now. Fuck you feel so good. So fucking tight around my cock.”

James tried to keep still, relishing in the feeling of a cock buried deep inside him. Of Teddy’s cock. He looked up at the beautiful man above him, grinning when he noticed his hair flashing between purple and soft brown. Sex apparently messed with Teddy’s metamorphmagus abilities. James reached out to touch the ever-changing hair, reveling in its softness. Fuck, but he’d never known sex could feel this good. The awkwardness of the encounters he’d had before were suddenly painfully clear to him.

Teddy’s hips moved in a shaky thrust and James was effectively distracted from all thought as pleasure flooded his body. The movement removed any restraints the two had left, and James panted as he lifted his hips to meet every thrust of Teddy’s hips. There was no finesse, no starting slow and building speed. That would come later, James thought briefly. They were all need and want, smashing their bodies together with a speed and desperation of two men who’d wanted this for _so long_.

Teddy leaned down to bite at James’ neck again and the twinge of pain, mixed with the knowledge that Teddy was _marking_ him pushed James off the edge without warning.

He came with a scream of Teddy’s name, pleasure rolling through him in waves as Teddy fucked him through his orgasm. Distantly he heard Teddy shout out his name, and he felt the hot spurt of come inside him.

Teddy collapsed on top of James, both of them breathing heavily and gripping to the other as if scared to let go.

“Can you lie again?” Teddy asked a while later. They’d washed off the come and sweat and were laying in bed, fingers reaching out to gently stroke at any exposed skin.

“I’m not sure,” James said, “I haven’t tried. Why?”

“Check.” Teddy grinned, fingers ghosting over the mark he’d left on James’ throat.

“Alright, I didn’t have a mind numbing orgasm when you fucked me,” James said, and then grinned. He didn’t need to lie to Teddy anymore, but the luxury of not telling strangers he’d just had a shit in their toilet was always a plus.

Teddy grinned too. “I figure we can use that little skill to get back at Al and Scorp, don’t you?”

Once again James was struck with how much he loved Teddy. Love, and relief that although everything had changed between them, they were still James and Teddy. Flatmates, best friends, business partners, pranksters and now lovers.

“Hmm, I suppose,” James smiled. “I guess we do owe them though, so maybe we let them off a bit easy?”

“Any suggestions?” Teddy laughed.

“I suppose I could Floo over in a panic and tell them you only wanted to fuck me if you could use your metamorphmagus ability to look exactly like me while you did it?”

Teddy laughed, throwing his head back. He looked like he belonged in James’s bed. _Their bed_. The warm glow in his belly only grew, leaving him with a fond smile as he watched Teddy laughing. Until Teddy hit him over the bed with a pillow.

“I hate you, you know?” James said, leaning in for a kiss.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of the 2018 HP Next Gen Fest.  
> Edit; I changed the title - because I realised the original one is also the name of a Drarry fic I really like (and like a million others). Idk if I was unconciously copying or if it was 100% random, but now that I've realised makeover title it is.


End file.
